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Joe Cleary - Posts: 25
The person who contacted me was a woman who experienced a miscarriage several months ago. It was a difficult time for both her and her partner, a man, because the pregnancy was planned following a decision to begin trying for the first time. They have recently become pregnant again and when this woman told her partner that she was pregnant she noticed a sudden dramatic change in his behaviour. While he had been 'grumpy' for several months and not taking part in a physical activity that usually gave him much pleasure, and which he formerly took part in on a daily basis, his partner had not realised to what extent he had been upset until she gave him the good news of her pregnancy.
While she had had great support from friends and family, and her partner, he had not discussed his distress to anyone, and she believed he was trying to 'be strong' for her. They were both very upset at the time of the miscarriage, but this woman had not realised just to what extent her partner was still having a difficult time with the loss until she told him of their new pregnancy. She questioned if it might be a good idea for this man to seek professional help from a mental health professional in the future or how she might support him, being aware that they may experience a similar loss in the future.
In response, yes. This is exactly the kind of scenario in which speaking with a trained psychotherapist can be a source of support and an outlet for someone who is otherwise trying to cope with something difficult. Here, specifically, this man is not dealing with a clinical depression where his biochemistry is provoking intractably low mood which may be improved by antidepressants but reacting to a traumatic life event that is unprocessed and still very raw. Again, as before, I argue that one doesn't need a diagnosis from a G.P. or psychiatrist to validate pain and suffering and begin to do something about it.
Many men have a view of what it means to be a man that excludes talking about what is troubling them or a belief that they have to be invulnerable to emotional pain and suffering – to the extent that they are not aware of how much something is affecting them or fight a constant battle to repress and ignore it. In such an instance psychotherapy is a place to discuss everything that is troubling, away from family and friends – and partners –, around whom many men feel they have to appear untroubled. For some it will always be a struggle to communicate distress, and many men simply don't have the vocabulary to put distress into words, and so it comes out in disguised forms such as irritability, insomnia, lack of interest in hobbies or pastimes etc.. But if someone does want to begin to talk about what they are experiencing there are many experienced and fully qualified psychotherapists in Ireland who are there to work with them, and recommendations from friends and family are often a good place to start, as well as G.P.s who believe in psychotherapy.
Lastly, while someone who cares about them can access contact details for professionals such as myself, the person themselves has to make the call to arrange a meeting – because, while engaging in psychotherapy can be a pivotal process in helping someone deal with something troubling, it is hard work and you have to want to engage with it.
