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Sabbi
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- Posts: 7950
I spoke with a counsellor at the hospital after my first miscarriage. I was so angry and upset about it. First of all, I was devastated that we had lost our baby, especially as we had seen a heartbeat at one point and that gave us hope that our baby would survive. But I was also very angry because we were treated so very badly by the hospital during our miscarriage.
When I was miscarrying, I was in the emergency room as I was losing alot of blood and was having labour like cramps. I was in there for approx. 4 hours before I was deemed to be over the worst and admitted to a ward. During that whole time, my husband was made to wait in reception and was not allowed into me even once. I had to go through all the pain and bleeding and despair alone. I asked them to let him in, just to hold my hand and support me and they said no. They explained it that husbands and partners are only allowed in to the ER is a baby is being born in a hurry but not for miscarriages.
When I was wheeled out of the ER, my husband was sitting in the waiting area and he asked me if our baby was ok - they had not told him I had actually lost our baby, so that was left up to me to do.
I felt it was terrible that the staff separated us when we needed to be together and also, that they didn't even have the decency to tell him what was happening. It was horrific for me telling my husband that I had lost our baby. I felt responsible in some way.
When we left the hospital the next day, they did not tell me about The Miscarriage Association and they did not offer me any support or tell me about counselling services. I was sent home and told to 'rest and have plenty of cuppas' until I felt better.
6 weeks later, brimming with anger, fury, confusion and afraid to grieve for fear that if I started crying, I night never stop, my husband suggested I speak to a professional counsellor.
I rang the hospital and they booked me in to see someone. I was only dong it to please my husband I think but once I got there, I realised I did really actually need to talk to someone about it.
She suggested I keep a diary and this became a turning point for me. I poured all my feelings in to that diary every day and she said I should end each entry with someone positive, something that I was thankful for so that would be the last thing I thought about as I went to bed.
There are 50 miscarriages every day in Ireland and it is a terrible experience for the women and men who go through it.
It is so good to speak to someone and talk about how you feel and let out the shame, guilt, sorrow, anger, frustration or whatever feelings you have about it.
I felt guilty, like it was somehow my fault and the counsellor made me see that was not true at all and that helped me some to terms with what had happened.
If anyone is struggling with dealing with a miscarriage or any stressful event in their life, Joe would be a great person to talk to.
It helps to talk it out and get things off your chest.
